Is It Wise to Be Friends with Your Ex? A Realistic Perspective


When it comes to the age-old question of whether it’s possible to maintain a friendship with an ex, there’s no universal answer. The dynamics of each post-breakup relationship are as unique as the individuals involved. However, it’s clear that the decision to stay friends with an ex is often more complex than it appears.

In an ideal scenario, if a breakup is relatively amicable and involves children, sustaining a friendship can be beneficial for everyone involved. Yet, regardless of whether children are part of the equation, it is often advisable to postpone any attempts at friendship until both parties have genuinely moved on, irrespective of how long that process takes.

This does not imply that interactions need to be hostile if there’s a need for continued communication, whether for professional reasons or co-parenting. In such cases, it’s entirely possible to establish boundaries that keep interactions polite, transactional, and limited to the essentials.

Many people often find themselves justifying the decision to remain friends with their exes for various practical or necessary reasons. However, holding onto a friendship can be emotionally draining and may even extend the healing process. Let’s examine some common, more realistic excuses for maintaining these friendships and some counterarguments.

You say : “We share mutual friends, and it’s awkward to avoid them.”

It’s a real concern when you have a circle of friends in common. You may feel like you have to maintain a connection with your ex to avoid awkward situations. However, it’s worth considering whether the potential awkwardness of social gatherings is worth the emotional toll of trying to be friends when you’re not ready.

You say: “I’m not ready to let go of the memories we created together.”

Nostalgia is a powerful emotion. Holding onto a friendship can feel like a way to preserve the memories and shared experiences from your relationship. Still, it’s essential to weigh the benefits against the emotional challenges of remaining close to someone you’ve parted ways with romantically.

You say:“We work together, and it’s unavoidable.”

In situations where you share a workplace, maintaining some level of interaction with your ex may seem inevitable. Setting clear boundaries and keeping the relationship professional is a realistic approach in this case.

You say: “I’m afraid of feeling lonely or isolated without them.”

Loneliness is a genuine concern after a breakup. Staying friends with your ex can provide a sense of companionship. However, it’s crucial to assess whether this companionship is healthy or if it’s merely delaying your emotional healing.

You say: “We genuinely enjoy each other’s company and have common interests.”

Shared interests and genuine compatibility are valid reasons to want to stay friends with an ex. But consider whether these qualities can be maintained without the complications that come with a romantic history.

In considering these realistic excuses and the impact of maintaining a friendship with your ex, here’s a piece of advice: Prioritize your emotional well-being and healing above all else. While some of these excuses are more realistic than others, it’s essential to consider the emotional impact and whether maintaining the friendship truly serves your best interests. Self-care and self-respect should always take precedence, even if it involves temporarily severing ties.

Remember that you deserve happiness and a fulfilling life, and your decisions should reflect that.